This blog simply continues the previous one; therefore, it will be helpful to read the previous blog before reading this one. In this blog I shall define and discuss what marriage is. The definition will come straight from Scripture. Keep in mind that this blog is neither an apologetic nor pastoral advice. I hope that I say nothing new. If you read this and think, “How plain?” that’s probably a good sign. If you read this and are upset because I don’t quite fit contemporary culture, that, too, is a sign that I am on the right track. So without further ado, let’s dive in.
Marriage is . . .
the one flesh union of a man and woman for life. The Bible is consistent in describing marriage this way.
Genesis 2:23 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Mark 10: 2-8 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife,and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.
Ephesians 5: 25-32 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
I repeat. Marriage is the one flesh union of a man and woman for life. That is the definition of marriage.
So let’s unpack that a bit.
Marriage is a one flesh union. Jesus said, “So they are no longer two but one flesh.” In marriage, two people become one. This does not mean they lose their personalities or uniqueness. In one sense they are still two. But they are no longer two; God has made them one. This union is true of all marriages. It does not matter whether the husband and wife are Christians or nonChristians — in marriage they are one. This means that their souls are united here on earth. Paul goes so far as to say this: “husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph 5:28). Thus, when a man degrades his wife, he degrades himself, for he and his wife are one; and when a woman cares for her husband, she cares for herself, for she and her husband are one. Husband and wife cannot be separated. The union of marriage insures that the well-being of one spouse is tied to the well-being of the other. This is what a union is.
Sex is a physical part of this union. In sex, a man and woman become one flesh — literally. This is why God reserves sex for marriage, and why He encourages it within marriage. Within marriage, sex is an act in which two people who are one become physically one. In this context, the sexual act is a beautiful thing. It reinforces the reality. Outside marriage, sex is an act in which two people who are not one pretend to be one. In this context, the sexual act is a lie. It defiles those who commit it and sets up a mock reality.
This union means that marriage changes how a man and woman live. Prior to marriage, a man and woman live separate lives. They do this because they are not one, but once they marry, those separate lives must unite. They now live in the same home, sleep in the same bed, share the same bank accounts, cars, furniture, and so on. They may divide the chores, but they have only one set of chores now. In the West, a wife takes on the name of her husband so that the two become one even down to their names. These are just the externals. Since husband and wife are one, they also need to share hearts. They need to hope together, dream together, and rejoice together. They need to share fears and frustrations, troubles and pain. They are one in their struggles, one in their victories, and one in their mundane routines. They live as one in all of these ways because they are one. The union changes everything.
So marriage is a one-flesh union. That is the first part of the definition. The second part states that marriage is between a man and a woman. I am almost embarrassed to discuss this aspect of marriage, not because the truth is embarrassing but because it is so obvious. I feel a bit like a man who has to explain to people that women get pregnant and men don’t or that food is something you eat. Doesn’t everyone already know that? Do I really have to explain it? The fact that marriage is heterosexual used to be obvious and is still obvious to most societies, but many in the West would like to change the obvious, and they exert great pressure on society to conform to a new idea — that marriage can be homosexual. I do not wish here to get into every issue involved in a discussion of homosexuality. I want to focus on one question only. Can marriage be homosexual? According to Scripture, the answer is a resounding “no.” When the Bible defines marriage, it always does so with words like “man and wife.”
When God formed marriage, He said, “a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.”
When Jesus describes marriage, he says, “‘God made them male and female. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.” Jesus does not appeal to culture but to creation. He says, God made male and female. Therefore marriage. To Jesus, marriage is built upon male and female. From the beginning.
When Paul defines marriage, it is in the context of a discussion on husbands and wives and ultimately refers back to Genesis. To Paul, marriage is again a creation thing, not a cultural thing. And when it was created, it was male and female.
You cannot honestly look at the Bible and say that it supports homosexual marriage. If you want to argue for homosexual marriage, you will have to say that the Bible is wrong on this issue, but if you honor the Bible, you will have to say that “homosexual marriage” is a contradiction of terms.
Marriage is male and female. By definition.
Marriage is also permanent. The union of a man and woman is for life. This permanence is a result of the nature of marriage. In marriage, a husband and wife reflect Christ and the church, a union that is inseparable. No one can snatch the sheep from Jesus’ hand (Jn 10:28). Nothing can separate God’s people from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus (Rm 8:35-9). Jesus is with His people always, even to the end of the age (Mt 28:20). We are in Christ (Eph 1-2 and many other places); Christ is in us (Gal 2:20; Rm 8:10; Col 1:27). In other words, the Christian enjoys a permanent union with Jesus Christ. Marriage, then, must be a permanent union in order to reflect a permanent union. If marriage is not permanent, it fails its purpose.
In marriage, the two become one flesh “so they are no longer two but one.” You can break up two, but you cannot break up one without doing immense, permanent, and irreversible damage to that one. In marriage a husband is in his wife as Christ is in the church, and the wife is in her husband as the church is in Christ. Husband and wife are united, and even if they divorce, you can’t fully get the husband out of the wife or the wife out of the husband. They are still in each other. I have seen this up close in multiple divorces around me. Marriage was designed to be permanent.
Jesus considers marriage so permanent that he says, “whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Mt 5:32). In other words, to Jesus, the divorced woman is still, in some sense, one flesh with the man she had previously married. She may have a piece of paper that says she is free from him, but that paper is merely paper. The one flesh union is, by nature, not something you undo with a piece of paper. It’s not so easy as that. Imagine a woman who had an abusive father and decided that he would no longer be her father. She can say whatever she pleases, but the reality doesn’t change. That man fathered her. Marriage is this way. The husband and wife are one flesh, and that union is permanent, whether they like it or not. They can say what they wish and do what they wish, even divorce, but in some sense, they are still one. Marriage is a deeper reality than they may like, but it was designed to reflect an even deeper reality than itself.
Contemporary culture needs to grasp this aspect of marriage, for it considers marriage to be more like roommates with sexual privileges. If you don’t like what you have, just get another. No harm done. This thinking is a lie. It absolutely destroys people. It rips apart families and undoes society. The nonChristian sees no problem. He swims in contemporary culture and the prevailing ideas are his water. But the Christian should swim in Scripture and, thus, should have a much stronger and different vision for marriage.
We do not follow society. We do not listen to the dictator called Western culture. We have a different king and a different kingdom, and in His kingdom, marriage is far more special, holy and beautiful than it is here because it reflects a wonderful, eternal marriage between the High King of heaven and His glorious Bride.
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