We are continuing a series in which we address questions posed by internationals in the church.
Q: How should Christians communicate/build relationships with others who have different beliefs?
A: This week I will focus only on the part of your question that deals with building relationships. We’ll do a second blog next week that focuses on the communication part.
I am glad that your question assumes that Christians should engage with nonbelievers. The light must shine in the darkness. I am also glad because your question shows that you understand that the light must still be light. When we go to the darkness, we are not to lose our light. We are to shine.
Here are some principles:
Walk with God
Spend time with God daily. Pray in the Spirit. Read Scripture and let it soak into your heart. Love your local church. These practices will help keep the light in your life. If you lose your light, you have nothing to share.
Pray
When you meet people who do not know Christ, God will be faithful to let you know whom to pray for. Pray for them. Regularly. Pray that God will open a door for you and that He will give you clarity and wisdom (Col 4:3-6). Pray that you will be bold and that God will work signs and wonders in the life of your unbelieving friends (Acts 4:26). Pray for them to repent (II Pet 3:9), and pray not just for them but those who will believe through their word (Jn 17:20). E.M. Bounds once said: “Talking to men for God is a great thing, but talking to God for men is greater still.” In other words, before you talk to your friend about God, talk to God about your friend. You will get nowhere spiritually without prayer. You may get to know this person, you may be a great help to him or her, but without God, whatever you do will amount to nothing eternal. To get eternal things, you must bring God into the equation. Start praying.
Go Where They Are
Jesus came to us. We did not go to Him. Therefore, these people with different beliefs? Do they like basketball? Play basketball with them. Or watch a game together. Do they enjoy bubble tea? Take them for a bubble tea. Are they in your lab? Talk with them in the lab. Eat lunch with them. Celebrate their birthday. Study with them. Go shopping with them. Most of these activities are pursuits you were going to do anyway. Just do them with someone else.
Listen Well
To share the gospel, you need to know your audience. Ask them about their story. How did they get here? Why did they choose Austin? What do they most miss? What do they hope to do? Have them tell you about their family, their background, their interests. Ask them what they believe spiritually. And when they tell you, ask questions to help you understand. For example, if they say they are atheists, ask them why. If they say, “Because I have a hard time believing things I can’t see,” you’ve just learned something about them. Don’t be quick to slam them if their views are not Biblical. You are asking in order to understand, not to argue, and you are dealing with a human being, not a website comments section. When you ask them, be genuinely interested. You will get further with people spiritually if you spend more time listening than talking. Then when you do talk you can actually address real issues they have. You know. Diagnose before you treat.
Meet Needs
Do they need a ride to the grocery store? If you have a car, give them a ride. Maybe you can help them when they are sick or when they have to move. Maybe they need a place to stay for a week, and you say, “You can sleep in my apartment.” Help them pick a professor or an advisor. Show them where to find food from their country. Be a friend. This principle — meet needs — naturally flows out of the previous two. If you spend time with people where they are and you listen well, you will discover what needs they have. Go help them.
Let Them Meet Your Needs
Don’t be so strong that people can’t help you. Are you having a problem understanding a concept in a class? Ask for help. An unbeliever can help you just as much as a believer can. People don’t have to have Christ to understand aerospace engineering. Maybe you need a ride to the grocery store. Ask. Maybe you are sick or need to move. Ask. Be real. Don’t be this superman or superwoman who is so spiritual that you never have any needs or struggles. Let your friends see that you are a regular human being just as they are.
Apologize When Necessary
This is part of being real. And the reality is that sometimes you sin and nonChristians see it. You say things you regret. You get angry over flea-size issues. You forget to pick up your friend or forget that your roommate asked you not to put the mugs in the top shelf. When you realize that you have ignored your friend or mistreated another person, take responsibility. Confess your sin and ask for their forgiveness. When they see how you handle your own sin, they may be surprised, for humility is not normal in the world they live in. Sometimes your sin can be an open door for Christ.
Introduce Them to the Body of Christ
No one ever becomes a Christian because of only one person. Think of your own conversion. In your story, you became a Christian because of the influence of multiple people. One Christian was praying for you though you never knew it. Another showed you great kindness when you first moved here. A third was able to explain the message of Christ in a simple way, so that the light bulb turned on in your mind. You saw the love of a group. You saw joy in more than one person. You saw a Christian show integrity when most people from your culture would not. These are the sorts of things that draw people to Christ. The reality is that you cannot bring people to Jesus by yourself. The Holy Spirit will use a community, not just you. Therefore, don’t put pressure on yourself to do everything. Instead bring them to God’s people, and let the church be strong where you are weak.
So. Throw a party and invite your Christian and nonChristian friends together. When you watch that basketball game, do it with five people instead of two.
Respect Their Culture as Much as Possible
If your friend is Muslim, don’t serve pork. If she is vegetarian, don’t serve meat. If he is fasting for Ramadan, don’t offer food during the day. Celebrate their holidays. Take off your shoes when you enter their home if that is their culture. People will appreciate your efforts to accommodate their cultures. Ask them about their culture and if they have any practices you should know about. Understand, however, that you may not be able to accommodate everything. You should not skip church because Sunday morning is the best time to get together in your friend’s culture. You will lose your light. Nor should you approve of Western sexual ethics just because your roommate lives them in front of your face. You have to walk with God. But in most issues, you should be able to respect the other person’s culture.
I hope you see that everything in this blog is basic, common sense. Rather than shaking your world with radical, new concepts, I hope I have merely confirmed what you already knew and have, thus, emboldened you to practice it with confidence.
